My Why

Another long post, I promise they won’t always be so long or emotional!

2016 and 2017 were very hard years for my on a personal level. Everything started with being unbelivably sick from my pregnancy, then I had a miscarriage (See “My Story” for the story of my miscarriage), soon after my miscarriage our friends who had grown to be family moved to Arizona, then a couple months later on the way to a birthday party I found out our other friends who had grown to be family were moving to Alabama to be closer to family, then in December we found out my Grandpa had gotten worse. By January I was ready to start fresh!

January came and we found out we were pregnant, usually a time to be over joyed but it was not the case. In my mind I just knew I would have another miscarriage so it was very hard to be excited about being pregnant. Every little scare and I was in the ER, it truly felt like I was there every weekend. Once we hit the 14week mark I felt a little better, we ended up doing a really cool pregnancy announcement to share the news.

By the summer we found out my parents were going to be moving back to California to be closer to my Grandparents who were not doing great. My mom and oldest son went to California for what was supposed to be 2 weeks but ended up being a month, while my mom was there she was able to find a job! But that meant she was coming home and then leaving right away to start work. That also meant she would miss the birth of our last baby.

Then it happened, Hurricane Harvey hit. I was 9 months pregnant with 4 kids, we were NOT about to stay in Corpus Christi for the hurricane, so we headed North and had a Hurri-cation. (You know a hurricane vacation) We got very very lucky and just lost the food in our fridge and the padding on the trampoline. Blake’s boss was our hero and took a generator to our house and hooked up the deep freezer so we wouldn’t lose our meats. We bought our own generator, a window A/C unit, a gas can with gas and headed home to camp out in the master bedroom. I told Blake I was not going home to no electricity 9 months pregnant with 4 kids LOL.

We spent our first Thanksgiving away from my mom that year, I thought that was hard but boy was I wrong. Shortly after Thanksgiving I woke up to my mom calling. Do you ever answer the phone and then just know something is wrong? My mom said “Steph” I knew something was wrong, “Grandpa just died”. Poor Blake woke up to me screaming, the kids ran in from the living room scared something just happened. I don’t remember if Blake talked to my mom or if mom just hung up. I didn’t understand my Grandpa was doing better! How could he die?! I just wanted 5 more minutes, I just needed one more hug, one more squeeze of the hand. I just needed my Grandpa back. My Grandpa was our families rock, he was more then a Grandpa, he was a Father to me and so many others. He was there for you every time you needed him, if you knew him you loved him.

That Christmas I took all 5 of the kids to California by myself, little Alice was only 2 months old and on her first cross country road trip. To keep this blog post short I will just tell you that that Christmas was the hardest Christmas’s to get through. Just days before Christmas Blake called me and told me his mom didn’t make it out of surgery. While I have no love loss for her passing, because she hated me and had no problem showing and telling me. I hated that Blake was home alone dealing with his loss. I just wanted to go home to be with him, I didn’t think I could handle my Grandpas funeral without him there and now he was hurting. I stayed and I muscled my way through my Grandpas Memorial Service, I’m glad I did but it was beyond difficult.

When we finally got home from our trip we came home sick, we would stay sick for over a month. Once we finally got better we found out we had to put our dog down. She had gotten so bad she could barely walk, her poor legs kept giving out on her and she would just fall to the ground. Here we are in February and it’s already been a taxing year. I pulled the kids out of school and we went and loved on our Caramel and hugged her and said goodbye. Saying goodbye to my sweet Boxer baby was so hard, and it brought everything I had been holding down back up. Not a week later Blake went in for his V-Day and we closed the baby making chapter of our lives. Even though I am 100% done with having kids, his procedure hit me hard. Again it just dredged everything up. My mom said I probably had late onset post partum depression, is that even a thing?! Instead of taking care of myself I shut down.

Then something happened, Jamie sent me a picture and said “Hey you could totally make these and sell them” I didn’t even think, I just went to Home Depot and bought tools and started playing in the garage. I kind of made a Facebook page just to see what it was all about and showed it to Jamie, Ashley and my Mom. Then it happened, before I was even ready my mom SHARED my page! Welp! I guess I’m doing it now haha. So I dived right in and started my own business. I found that working with wood and making something would be very therapeutic and calm me down.

So began Sew Sawdust.

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